You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize