I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
