I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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