Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
