Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
