yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
