i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
