what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
