***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
