i need an iv and a liver transplant
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
