I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
