Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
