do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
