I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
