I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
