found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
