dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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