her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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