I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize