I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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