You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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