i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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