Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We need a shit load of segways right now
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
