You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
