I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
