I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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