we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
