Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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