I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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