sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
