I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
