yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
