she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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