Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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