I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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