I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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