There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
