i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
