This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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