My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
