so that wasnt chicken after all
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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