how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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