Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize