Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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