I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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