I'm sorry my penis didn't work
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
