Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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