Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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