Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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