Cold hands, warm shart.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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