It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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