Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
