You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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