A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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