shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
