Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
