Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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