My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
