What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
