I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
