His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
