I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
