is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
