Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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