You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
