About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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