How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
