Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
