mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
