it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
