All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
