tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
