I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize