he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
