Already got asked if we're dating
My liver just broke up with me...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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