I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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